Updated: Jul 10, 2020
Shared by: SU Team
Imagine waking up and realizing you are five days from thirty. I am not sure why but the feeling of how did I get here so fast immediately came over me. As I began to let things get to me, I started to scramble. I started looking around to see what last minute thing I could get into and who I could invite. You know because turning thirty is such a big deal, right? It has to be celebrated, right? When all things fell through, I decided to do nothing extravagant but instead spend my thirtieth birthday at home with my family. Truth is, this was ideal for me ....
I woke up, waiting to feel different, as all my friends who turned 30 before told me it was the day of your body suddenly changes. I spend the whole day wondering what I would feel when would it shift ... it wasn’t until 365 days around the sun, the transformation would be outer body, and not physical as I assumed.
Seasons of Healing
A few days into thirty, I was utterly surrounded with my thoughts. It was really a major milestone for me as a woman. I couldn’t place it and I was yearning to figure out what was supposed to be so big in my life. I realized when I was in my teenage years, I set numerous goals for me and truth is I hadn’t achieved any of the ones I set. It had a major impact on my sense of accomplishment. I began having more talks with God, asking more deeper and intimate questions of myself and ultimately reflecting. I realized that I wasn’t satisfied with my 20s, not because they weren’t successful - after all success is in the eyes of the beholder. My 20s I felt like I left too much on the table, I vowed to myself to leave nothing on the table, bear it all, and be TRUE to SELF. I broke my 30th year into four seasons. Each season I challenged my spirit, mind and heart to grow in four areas of my life: Faith, Friendships, Forgiveness, and Freedom.
When you are faithful, you are obedient to the word of God. All my life, I have actively heard the voice of God. I remember the first time was when my mom was pregnant and I told her what the sex of the baby would be. Moments like that happened regularly but somewhere down the line I stopped listening. I didn’t allow myself to sit in silence. This first season was about learning to be faithful, learning to be obedient. Learning to be still and accepting silence to grow my relationship with the Lord. This was key, not only for self but also for the things that would come next.
This next season was about seeing who was in my circle. And what did I want my circle to look like. To be honest my 30s is when I realized I was not a good friend. I often did not check on my friends - even if it was a quick text or call to say hi. That bothered me. Mostly because I loved my friends and I was not sure they knew that. I vowed to do better. Really reflect on how friendships came about and chose to grow and build them or choose to leave them in my twenties. Friendships really are what you make of them, one friend cannot feel they are constantly the one giving. Not only did I vow to connect with my friends, but I also reflected on the friendships that were value-add. In other words, surrounding myself with like minds. It's actually okay to outgrow people, and quite honestly friends are no different. This journey called life is different for everyone, so who remains in your circle, is totally up to you.
This was the most important season for me because I’ve been harboring hurt for years. I believe hurt is the root to anger and often the truth behind your “mean” friends. I journaled, who was I mad at, why was I mad, and did it really matter to me at that moment/point in my life. If it mattered, I began to write open letters. Writing down how I felt with no holding back was helpful but the most transformational piece to it was writing down the words, I forgive you. That release allowed me to let go fully. That’s when it made sense, forgiveness is often something you need for closure even if you granting that forgiveness without an apology.
Often times we relate freedom to the chains or strong holds coming undone. For me freedom was ignoring what people thought of me and living in my truth. The concept of 'normal' or being a part was no longer a concern. I desired to be totally free. Free to speak my mind, free to go natural, free to be me and not being defined by what others placed on me. Let me clarify, I don't always give off the perception of caring, most times it's within the subconscious. A lot of this is because I grew up feeling like I had to be the perception of what a token black girl would be around white women [another blog for another day]. This was the final season and the most important one. Living freely allows you to be most invested in what’s important and empowering for you. Closing the door to negativity and opening the door to positivity.
This journey into 30 has been nothing but a blessing thus far. I’m empowered to see what life can and will throw at me next.
Plus if the 30s are this enlightening what will come about in my 40s and 50s !